The Tools of Gentle Teaching
Within a Culture of Gentleness, caregivers use themselves as the tools to teach others to feel safe, loved, loving and engaged – their own presence, words, hands, and eyes.
Through the use of our four tools, educators and caregivers are taught that they themselves are instruments of peace, bringing messages of non-violence, forgiveness, empathy and total acceptance. These tools are not fancy, tricky to use, or expensive. They are things that we use everyday to connect with those around us — our hands, our eyes, our words, and our presence. Our tools are instruments to connect and build relationships with those around us.
Touch is an instrument that involves carefully offered embraces, pats on the back, or arms around the shoulder. Not all people want to be touched. Sometimes it may be too traumatizing and can produce fearful flashbacks for survivors of physical or sexual abuse.
The practice of touch varies from culture to culture. In cultures that focus on the individual, touch is often regarded as inappropriate and unprofessional; in other cultures, it is a strong expression of human connectedness and solidarity. Even in individualistic cultures, touch is still considered to be a positive expression of love toward children and the elderly.
Many professionals and administrators are afraid of any touch in educational or caregiving settings unless it involves physical management. They express deep concerns, such as: “How will an individual learn boundaries?” Gentle Teaching’s use of touch, such as a hug, is clearly not sexual. That said, educators and caregivers need to proceed with great care in the use of touch, ensuring that these acts are seen as symbols of companionship and community.
Many people think that Gentle Teaching is all about hugs. Physical contact is an important aspect of the approach because it can be a very concrete expression of the feeling “I am safe with you.” Just as importantly, it is employed as a ritual in a culture of gentleness; it becomes a symbol of what a culture of gentleness is all about — namely companionship and community.
In the use of loving physical contact, such as a hug, care must be taken. For example, caregivers can model asking for a hug, by saying “I can sure use a hug!” or “Could you give me a hug?” The use of loving touch gradually takes on a new meaning of gentleness, companionship and community. The caregiver’s hands can be concrete expressions of generating a feeling of being safe and loved.
Educators and caregivers need to realize that their gaze is a strong tool that allows them to look into murky and shattered hearts and bring warmth, consolation and healing. Eye contact can be like tender hands or pounding fists. One must be deeply present in the moment and understand that even their gaze sends a strong message.
The most crucial tool in a culture of gentleness are our words. Our words are not just our words. They are the softness in our face, the tone and rhythm of our voice, the twinkle in our eyes, the reaching out of our arms, and the way we look at those around us. Our words must be uplifting and wrapped in warmth. Each syllable that we emit should be loaded with honor, nobility and love. Our words are our most widely used tool. We have to understand the power of our words, their sounds, and their rhythm.
In a culture of gentleness, words are not used to put down, reprimand, blame or sermonize. They are used to honor, console and uplift. The tool that is used (or misused) all too often is our words. Educators and caregivers often mistakenly think that their primary role is to convince each person to behave by repeating threats and reiterating blame, and insisting, (“You know better!”). Too often teachers and caregivers speak of boring behavioural talk about “good job,” and toss out verbal reprimands (“Hey, stop that!”). These admonitions are not beneficial for self-esteem or creating a caring relationship.
Rather, our words should signal feelings of being safe and loved. Children and adults already know when they do ‘wrong.’ What they may not know is that it is good to be with caring people and experience unconditional honour, value, dignity or love. Words are of little use when the person does not know the most basic spiritual lesson in life: to feel safe and loved. No amount of screaming will convince anyone of this important lesson.
Words are a key instrument for peacemaking. Educators and caregivers need to know that all of their interactions constitute a whole that becomes part of a dialog. A large part of this dialog is simply listening, reading between the lines, understanding each person’s life story and interpreting feelings that underlie actions.
Gentle Teaching is concerned with the meaning of one’s presence in each moment; in the messages the teacher or caregiver send during bad moments, and in what they teach during happy times. ‘Behavioural change’ is only a secondary purpose; the teacher or caregiver must be authentic in finding ways to express love/joy in the moment. One must become aware that their mere presence communicates a thousand words.
Gentle Teaching Network Meeting
4th Wednesday of Every Month
Time: 11am CST
Passcode: 934065
Questions? Contact Tracy Mauk: TracyM@eitas.org