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The-whole-basis-of-Gentle-Teaching-isn’t-trying-to-change-the-individual’s-behaviour-but-rather-changing-our-approach-on-how-we-serve-the-individuals

Gentle Teaching isn’t about trying to change behaviour…

Through my 3 and a half years of experience with COR and the philosophy of Gentle Teaching, I have attained a wealth of knowledge and an everlasting impact on my life. When I first started with COR, just like most people, I was a bit skeptical of the whole ideology of unconditional love. In latent terms, I perceived it as ‘give them whatever they want’ or ‘they can do whatever they want without consequences’. At the time, I failed to realize it was so much more than that. The whole basis of Gentle Teaching isn’t trying to change the individual’s behaviour, but rather changing our approach on how we serve the individuals.

My ability to use Gentle Teaching had never really been challenged until I began supporting at a new home and more specifically supporting one individual at that home. When I began, to be 100 percent honest, I was quite nervous. I had heard all the stories that this was the hardest team to support on. To my surprise, it really wasn’t! I got off to a good start with two of the guys. The only one I hadn’t connected with was one of the guys. Every time I would enter his space or try to interact with him, he would completely shut me down. This really bugged me personally. I am the type of person who really likes to get along with everybody, and at times, will over step boundaries to be liked by that person. This happened one day when I was supporting him. I came in that day with what I thought was a solid game plan. I was going to force myself to stay with him, we were really going to joke around and have an awesome time together. I also had the idea to take him to a Rider practice that day thinking it was going to be an amazing experience. I was completely wrong. Sure, he enjoyed the idea of going to Rider practice and seeing all his favourite players, but he still didn’t feel safe around me. I struggled to interpret what he was saying numerous times throughout the day and it led to numerous negative moments, the worst being at the Rider practice where he hit me. After that day, I came to realize that by forcing myself to be in his space, I had removed one of the most fundamental and most important pillars of Gentle Teaching; feeling safe.

They have taught me if I adjust how I provide care and unconditionally love them, rather than force them to be who they are not, that they will reciprocate it back in their way

In order to fix this, I needed to change how I provided care, while also trying to encompass the tools of Gentle Teaching to build the four pillars. For the next couple of months, I took a step back and really focused on observing, rather than forcing myself into situations for my own personal reasons. I was selective and patient in choosing the times that were appropriate to help strengthen his sense of feeling safe around me. Most of these interactions were focused around watching sports games or going out to grab a drink from 7/11. I tried keeping the interactions short and consistent allowing him to become comfortable around me. As time passed, I was able to get him to feel safe by changing how I provided for him. Once I had the sense of feeling safe around me, the other three pillars (feeling loved, feel loving towards others, and feeling engaged) came much more naturally.

Through my experience with all the individuals I support, they have had an everlasting impact on my life. They have taught me if I adjust how I provide care and unconditionally love them, rather than force them to be who they are not, that they will reciprocate it back in their way.

 

Brydon, COR Family Member

Family-NIght

COR Family Night: A Culture of Gentleness as a Promising Practice

Family members and friends of COR are invited to join us for an evening discussion on a Culture of Gentleness as a Promising Practice, with special guest: Deirdre Mercer, Center for Positive Living Supports (Michigan, USA). This interactive and powerful learning experience will better your knowledge of the important role of a gentle caregiver. Space is limited. Please contact Michael for more details.

COR Family Night

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who-am-I-to-come-into-this-persons-home-with-demands-and-unrealistic-expectations-COR

Who am I to come into this person’s home with demands and unrealistic expectations?

I consistently strive to build and maintain a culture of gentleness among the individuals I support and spend time with. When I am in someone’s home I try to put myself in their shoes. Who am I to come into this person’s home with demands and unrealistic expectations? Trying to be mindful of what I say/how I say it and how I present myself to the person receiving support is always at the forefront of my thoughts. By using the four tools (presence, eyes, hands, and words) positively, I continually try to build on the relationships I share with the individuals I serve.

I continually try to build on the relationships I share with the individuals I serve

Ensuring that person feels safe where they are and who they’re with is an important first step. Afterwards is the point at which the person can begin to be stretched and grow. Remembering that the relationship I have with the person I’m supporting is one of interdependence, allows me to teach as well as learn. This is an attitude that I attempt to maintain both within COR with the individuals being supported as well as in my other social circles.

 

Jordan, COR Support

 

I-truly-believe-that-the-only-disability-in-life-is-a-bad-attitude-cor

I believe it is extremely important to remember that we are all equal regardless of our ability level.

When I think about COR and the individuals I serve in relation to a culture of gentleness, I think it is extremely important to remember that we are all human beings and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Treating people like people, and not like patients or clients shows these individuals that they are loved, important and cared about. By doing this, it ensures each relationship I have with the individuals I serve to be authentic and meaningful, and in turn allows for this culture of gentleness to develop and flourish over time. I approach each individual support time with a positive and friendly attitude, because I know that this will let the individuals I serve know that I want to be there, and I am happy to be in their presence every time I am with them.

I also believe that in order to maintain a culture of gentleness I need to love the individuals I support unconditionally. It is often easy to get frustrated, angry or upset when unfavourable incidences arise, but as a support I consciously make an effort to show that my respect, love and loyalty will not alter regardless of the situation. As a support, I always encourage the individuals I serve to pursue their passions and become involved within their community to not only enhance their own lives, but also the lives around them. By doing this, it shows these individuals that they are both capable and important members of our team and community. Those within COR that I support learn that they have the ability to positively impact someone else’s day. The safety of the individuals as well as the team is very important to me, and I believe that if I am able to provide a gentle environment through my words and my actions, everyone is able to feel much more safe within their home and with everyone around them. When situations arise that may not be safe for myself or the individual, I make sure to stay calm and remember to respect everyone involved not only to act a positive role model, but also so that a safe and positive outcome occurs.

During my time with the individuals I serve, I make sure that they know how individually special they are

During my time with the individuals I serve, I make sure that they know how individually special they are, that they are loved and cared for by many and that I genuinely enjoy and cherish the time that we spend together. I do this not only with my words, but also with my consistent display of true unconditional love for each person that I support and support with. I believe this is critical in ensuring a gentle environment and relationship. Ultimately, I believe it is extremely important to remember that we are all equal regardless of our ability level. I truly believe that the only disability in life is a bad attitude! When we treat those we support, and support along side as equals, everyone is able to feel safe, supported and loved by one another and this is how true relationships are built.

 

Sawyer, COR Support